It is May and we have been in quarantine for two and a half months, so that means I should be #summerbody ready, right? Well for the first year since, well ever, that is not the case for me. That doesn’t mean it isn’t what I want; oh trust me there is nothing more than to run headfirst into that game. To start ordering my Daily Harvest meals, pushing myself through extensive workouts everyday- no matter what my body says, and feeling that elation when I was still below my calorie count for the day. Ah, the good old days.
Some may read this and say, girl, you are out of your mind, but then there is my tribe; saying, same girl same.
I am proud to say that I am, for the most part, eating three meals a day. Now as anyone in treatment knows, recovery isn’t linear. I still feel like eating Chinese takeout is some form of punishment. That all said, I have made leaps and bounds since my process started in October and that includes my idolization of exercise.
The thought of eating Chinese food would have been ok when I planned to run an extra five miles to “make it disappear.” The joke is on me… that isn’t the way the body works… cool.
Now I may still have that urge to take an extra spin class or go for a “chill” jog after my HIIT class, but I now have a voice telling me… that is not healthy. Which is funny because that was always my goal… to be healthy. The definition of healthy is to be in good health, or disease-free. Considering the situation we are all experiencing, I am lucky enough to say I am both of those. My immune system is probably the strongest it has ever been and I am lucky enough to have not contracted Covid-19.
Are you wondering how I got here after fifteen “blissful” years? Renaming my yoga, runs, and classes. Instead of workouts, they are my time for mindful movement. This has changed my perspective completely. I have gone from looking at a run as a thing I had to do, to something that will give me a break. Working out is exactly that; work. I was always working, I was rarely taking care of myself. Every run I went on I told people, it was my time to clear my head. When I was actually looking at my clock to beat my time; mile after mile.
Since I had to “take a break” from the runs and the burpees, my body is at zero. A new and scary place for me. I had always been an athlete; there wasn’t a sport I wouldn’t try. So, I am finding myself going for walks and not feeling the need to run; instead running when both my mind and body would like to. It is also an exciting place to be. I am learning that I don’t know that I actually like running- mind. blown.. I am finding that I still love my F45 sessions; even though I can barely do 2 push-ups… on my knees.
As corny as it is, this process has given me a fresh start and blank pages to write on. The mindful movement has been the most exciting of them all for me. At age thirty, I am learning what I actually enjoy and what the definition of healthy really is.
Love and Games 